That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
