You're my little dorito
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
