Non-Jews are for practice
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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