ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I am spending my child support on dildos
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
