I should be sponsored by Trojan
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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