I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
