it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
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