Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
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