Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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