shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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