I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
