Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
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