the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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