UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
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Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
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The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I still have a little drunk in my system
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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