I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
