He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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