I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
did i just pee glitter
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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