Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Randomize
