I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
