1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
