that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
We just shotgunned beers for America
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
