The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
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afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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