but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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