Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
