Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
