Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
You can't motorboat a personality
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
