i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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