Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
