saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Randomize
