mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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