nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
