I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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