I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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