There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Randomize
