I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
