haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
