Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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