You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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