shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
