so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
