I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
