he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
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I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
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The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize