Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Randomize
