I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
he shaved USA in his pubs
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
