Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
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If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
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i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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