Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
