Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
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We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
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I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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