Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
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