Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
