i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
