Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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