yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
