At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
