Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
