pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I think my fart just growled at me.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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