I met the friendliest cop last night
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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