Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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