kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
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