I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
