I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
