Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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