I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
