Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
