just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Randomize
