I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
