Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
