Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
