I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
