i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
my poor anus
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
