She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
