The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
