he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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