So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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