New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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