I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
