we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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