this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
