He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
