i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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