Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I understand Curling. That high.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
