I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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