Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
