CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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