idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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